I can't stop watching this.

‘Cause franchise isn’t just
The right of a man
(Universal)

Well... I've let my paid account lapse for the first time in years. I guess I just couldn't bring myself to sink the money this time around. Activity has been dropping off but worse than that people have been leaving/baleeting me with parting blows of "You didn't comment enough/aren't interesting enough!" thinly veiled under the guise of... I don't even know. Civility? This friends list "pruning" and notifications is one thing I won't miss about LJ. I never had that sort of thing on other blogs because they don't seem to operate the same way. It's a culture thing.

I mean, I cannot even COUNT the number of times in my LJ career I have read a "It's not you, it's me, but REALLY IT'S YOU" mass deletion posts on LJ. I particularly enjoyed the time that someone axed me because they "only wanted to keep their very bestie best friends" but left my husband on their list. He doesn't know them from Adam (or Eve, as it was in this particular case.) He is just a high profile artist in some communities and they wanted the reflected glory. It's such a petty, transparent, and above all old little game and I'm just tired of it being able to ruin my day.

All that said, it's not that I'm going anywhere. I still read my LJ list faithfully though I remain quiet myself. There are so many people on here I'd hate to lose touch with and such fun events to keep an eye on. I am starting to try to acquaint myself more with alternate blogs and websites especially kept by those folks here to assure I never fall out of the loop entirely. I'm planning on starting a daily baby blog because I've realized that the little things such as "Bastian ate his first yogurt" are going to seem significant in 20 years. I'm not sure I'll be doing it here, though. The adds do seem particularly large and obnoxious on the posting page. Maybe I'll break down a bit later and renew my subscription but I think I'm going to explore other options first. I liked Blogger for the Bean Blog.

My mother-in-law called in tears while I was out shopping yesterday. The antibiotics the Oma was getting for the lung infection weren't helping. They tried a different one yesterday, but the verdict was that if it didn't help there was nothing else to be done. After the hubby got home from work I fed everyone and we zoomed off to the hospital for a visit. She was quite lucid (besides asking six times how old Bastian is), and you could tell she was really happy to see the baby. He was a very good boy and made sunshine for his great grandmother until visiting hours were nearly over.

I just hope when she goes it's an easy going.

I thought about going back today but I think Mellie is going and I don't want to overwhelm her. I will wait until Ilse calls or check in tonight if I haven't heard from her.

In less bleak news, I've been on a whole grain baking tear. I made these muffins today with a raspberry substitution and minus about half the sugar. They are so delicious and gooey. Yesterday I made these to take to the hospital in case anyone got hungry. These are completely sugar free. I put orange extract in mine.

Oh I forgot, I added protein powder to the muffins, too.

I bought sweet potatoes at the whole foods store. I love sweet spuds but they are kind of hard to find here. I'm debating either making them as the main course tonight or being really ambitious and cooking the turkey breast I found onsale to go with them.

Despite appearances, I actually am back on the healthy eating wagon (not just cookies.) It seems like I can only lose the same 3 lbs over and over again, though. I'm trying really hard to not be all spazzy about this. It IS the first time I've ever had trouble dropping weight at the beginning of a fitness regime. Usually the first 10 lbs or so are super easy. But... but my body has been through big things this year, I'm older, and I'm also really sponguey. It's possible that I am putting on muscle. I did the easiest yoga routine ever yesterday and my abs are still sore. So pathetic. It's my goal to be ready to start running in March and it's a good thing I started early.

There is a plan in the works for me to go back to America this summer with Bastian. As such, I've been trying to handle some paperwork and get Bastian ready to go. Although he doesn't have to have his American citizenship to travel to America (obviously... Germans ARE allowed to come to America,) I spent some time looking into getting him his dual citizenship. There will be hoops.

Curiously, I found myself really... not wanting to do this. I am completely unmotivated to pack the family up and go to Munich and do all this. I mean I will because he has a birthright and it's his decision, but I don't want to. I don't want to because I am afraid that he is going to grow up and decide to go live in America and leave me here.

I don't want to do it because it will make it easier for my son to do exactly what I did to my parents. And to those who would call it a long shot- au contraire. I did it.

I guess parenthood has allowed me to feel a level of empathy with my parents I never have before. I have been feeling REALLY down about this. It's not because I miss them (though I do.) It's because I have a bone deep understanding of the pain I potentially put them through in pursuit of my own happiness. Without a backwards glance. Someday, my son will do the same sorts of things and, even if it's not in a transatlantic way, I will have to let him go.



I still want to be called home sometimes. I hope he feels the same way when he's all grown up.

Dear History Channel,

"The History of Lord of the Rings" is an excellent program. I enjoyed that you took the time to discuss the mythology Tolkien drew upon as well as the modern historical context that influenced him and the book's reception. It was fascinating.

Far more fascinating, in fact, than the whole Alien bullshit you've been doing recently. I would really appreciate more historical programming and less of this conjectural kookiness.

Thank You!
Ally

P.S. Yes, History Channel... we are all laughing at you.

This is a crossposting of my Amazon.com review of haikujaguar's Spots the Space Marine: Defense of the Fiddler.

Praise for Spots from a Cookie Baking Reader

As a new mother myself, I was primed to get a lot out of this book. As I came to the end I found myself thinking that it should be required reading for all Sci-Fi loving moms. Riveting, entertaining, and empowering... I got a lot more out of Spots than I had originally anticipated.

From a slightly more objective standpoint, Spots is well written and has spectacular pacing, especially given the unconventional formatting. The script-like narrative could be off putting to certain readers. In the interest of full disclosure, I was unable to get into it when it was released in its original web-serial format. I suspected that I might be able to overcome this once it was released in its full form and I was right. Once I had the full version in my hot little Kindle-wielding hands, I found myself sucked in and completely unable to put it down. Yes, it may be like a script, but it's an extremely rich script. One of my favorite traits of this author is that she can say a whole lot in a very succinct fashion and that lent itself extremely well to this format.

I could go on and on, but all I can really say is that no matter how much I sing the praises of this one, I really couldn't have said enough. Read it. It's worth it.

Amazon Link to the book.

I have completed my Christmas Art Giveaway drawing! The person who nominated the winner has been notified via note on FA. It will remain anonymous until the 26th, to preserve the surprise in case it is to be given as a Christmas Gift.

Merry Christmas, Everyone! Congratulation to the winner!

*gleeful cackle*

WE WANTS IT. IT IS OUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

The weather here is INSANE. Richard was going to go grocery shopping for our guests and I wanted to walk to the post office to (finally) mail caiteydid's book, but it was just too brutal out there. Melanie called to say planes weren't landing. Good thing they're flying in TOMORROW morning. If it had been today there would have been big time trouble.

The "they" I am referring to are Krista, her boyfriend Mike, and mother Iris. We'll be hosting them for 10 days.I'm looking forward to it, but it's been a little stressful preparing. I am a little anxious because Krista's expectations seem to exceed the level of stuff I'd like to do, but I think they'll calm down a bit once they realize the realities of how much running around that would all be.

I didn't get my art done, but oh well. I have no issues drawing in the evenings.

I wish I had gotten a chance to bake. Oh well. I live in the land of bakeries, it will be OK.

This morning I caught a little bit of a show about Alaska while I was having my morning cuppa. I got to thinking about how I so badly wanted to go live in Alaska when I was a girl and how I almost went to university in Fairbanks. I got to wondering what my life would have been like if I had. Halfway through all these musings on my exciting Alaskan adventure I realized Hello! I live in GERMANY now. I moved across the Atlantic! It's not like my life path hasn't taken me on its own adventures.

I bet if I had gone, I'd have learned what I've learned about life here: life is life. Everywhere. It would be my normal, just like walking around and conversing in a language I didn't speak 3 years ago is my normal now. Life is buoyant. Life adapts. Life is beautiful.

I wasn't terribly productive yesterday but I made some progress. I also found myself awake at 2 am writing out notes on the novel. I'm trying to unpack those late-night notes now into a format I can use them. It's slow going, but the good news is that I actually have the rest of the novel written out in shorthand. I just have to rearrange and expound a bit to get it into the chapter format of the rest of the outline.

Today's Goals

* Take down Bastian's baby swing (My baby's too big for his swing!)
* Collapse Richard's "Amazon box collection". He'll have to start over. :p
* Put away yesterday's laundry
* Put tablecloth back on table (I washed it)
* Thin out coats on coat rack to make room for visitor's coats.

* Try to unpack yesterday's novel notes BOOYAH. Book Two is OUTLINED, Baby!
* First of the three commission sketches. Didn't finish it, but the rough is coming along.